Sunday, January 24, 2010

Those Crazy Inanimate Objects

Our microwave has started to show its age. It has become moody. It began by flashing the word SHELLFISH across its readout every morning, followed by asking us to enter the serving weight.

Poor thing has never yet been asked to do anything involving seafood. Have we been thwarting its life's ambition?
We simply pushed cancel and continued cooking our cheese roll-ups.

Then it began beeping insistently in the middle of the night. It would take Casey or me a few minutes to wake up sufficiently and stumble downstairs in the dark to investigate. Each time we were greeted by glowing green letters alternately flashing BEEF PORK BEEF PORK BEEF PORK!!!
We mostly eat chicken. And cheese-roll-ups.
This time the microwave refused to be canceled. We had to pull the plug. After three or four nights in time-out, the microwave backed down.

We've reached an uneasy truce. The microwave no longer wakes us up in the night. And we look the other way when it swears.

Some of the objects in our house have entirely too much personality.

(pillow monster by Meredith)


kate said...

hahahahaha! poor microwave, he's just hungry. feed me! looks like that's what the pillow wants too. hope it doesn't eat your head. this really made me laugh. :)

Jenny said...

I say appease the beast with shellfish, beef, and pork.
You can heat it at home and then feed it to the neighbors--or to that hungry looking bed fellow.

Markie said...

It's obviously trying to conduct a theological conversation with you on the benefits of avoiding shellfish and pork in accordance with Kosher guidelines, and shunning beef, following Hindi tradition. I suspect it will ask your opinion about tea and coffee next.

victoria said...

Aaaagh! Don't put your head on that (and certainly not INTO that) pillow! Poor old senile microwave. It belonged to grandma or someone before you got it, right?

verword: unwin. Just give in to your house monsters.

Charity said...

Haha! I loved this post.

Katie said...

i love that you did a post about your microwave. but it definitely deserved the attention. I'm glad you guys didn't do anything rash or crazy like... buy a new one. our microwave is the bane of our existence and we've kept it around to. When you want to warm something up, AFTER you push start - it takes it's time telling you that it's going to cook your food now....... and THEN it starts. I'm glad you came to a truce though. seems like a fair one.

Sarah C. said...

I missed this one and Katie told me about it. Sometimes my feed is a bit hit and miss. Very funny. I hope your kids look the other way when it swears, too! Our microwave died caput two weeks ago (after never annoying us and often being the sole source of our food). I was impressed because Clint had a new one installed in less than 24 hours. It's nice to have handy men around.

Michele said...

This post never fails to make me laugh! I go back and read it every once in awhile. Please keep us updated on *new* words, etc.